


Falcon's Revenge

by TheHatMeister



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:59:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7980772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHatMeister/pseuds/TheHatMeister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A man can only hear "on your left" so many times...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falcon's Revenge

It started off innocently enough.

Some computer neglected to notice that Steve Rogers was in fact frozen in ice for sixty-odd years, and decided that it would be best if he signed up for AARP. Naturally, Sam found this hilarious.

“C’mon, Steve,” he chuckled. “You get benefits!”

Steve rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Somehow, I don’t think I’ll be needing a mobility scooter just yet.”

“You never know,” Sam replied in mock seriousness. “They say most accidents happen at home.”

“With my lifestyle, I’m more concerned about insurance from supervillain damage.”

 

\--------

 

When Steve’s birthday rolled around, he found Sam sitting in the tower lobby with balloons and a small box. 

“I figured you wouldn’t want a stripper,” he joked as he held the box out. “Happy Birthday, Steve!”

“Thanks, Sam.” Steve felt genuinely touched; it felt like ages since he had celebrated his birthday. As they made their way to Steve’s floor, he ripped off the paper and held up the box to examine its contents.

“A Life Alert,” he deadpanned. “Gee, you shouldn’t have.”

“Put it on!” Sam practically danced around the hallway with glee. Steve glared at the other hero, before putting the cord around his neck.

“There, are you happy now?”

As Steve turned, Sam shoved him between the shoulder blades, quickly followed by a body check that would have shamed Wayne Gretzky. Caught off balance, the super-soldier went sprawling to the floor.

“Help, he’s fallen and he can’t get up!” Sam could barely get the words out, he was laughing so hard. 

“Ha, ha, very funny.” Steve glared at Sam as he dusted himself off, the other man practically crying with laughter. “I’m not pushing the button.”

 

\--------

 

Steve whistled as he made his way to the diner to meet Sam, hands stuck in his pockets. One of the things he was still catching up on was food, and Sam had offered to take him to a nearby greasy spoon in order to “educate him”, as he put it. They met at the front entrance, seating themselves without any fuss and ordering their food. The waitress raised her eyebrows at the amount of food Steve ordered, but took their menus without making any remarks.

“ ‘Scuse me, miss?” Sam called after her. “Do you offer a senior discount?”

Steve gave Sam the stinkeye from underneath his baseball cap, while the waitress looked at Sam in puzzlement. “I’m sorry?”

Sam waved his hand. “Sorry, it’s just a joke my friend and I have. Please, don’t let me keep you.” The waitress gave him another strange look, but continued on her way. 

“That’s how low you want to stoop?” Steve asked challengingly. Sam grinned back at him.

“I haven’t even started.”

 

\--------

 

Once more, Steve came back to his floor to find Sam waiting for him - it seemed like the man never left him alone these days. He was carrying a plastic bag in his hand, and a friendly smile on his face.

“The guys at the V.A. wanted me to give you this,” he said, extending the bag towards Steve.

“It doesn’t have adult diapers or anything like that, does it?”

Sam shook his head solemnly. “Cross my heart.”

Intrigued, Steve took the bag and rifled through its contents. He held up a coupon book with a raised eyebrow. “You were saying?”

“I may have told them I was friends with a 96-year-old World War 2 vet,” Sam added innocently. 

Steve threw his hands into the air with exasperation. “Ok, I give up. What did I do that offended you so horribly?”

“You,” Sam pointed at Steve accusingly, “need to stop showing off on our morning runs.”

“I don’t-”

Sam held up a hand to cut Steve off. “Now, I consider myself a nonviolent man, but if I hear ‘on your left’ one more time, I  _ will _ go so far beyond passive-aggressive old jokes you’ll wish I gifted you Metamucil and golf clubs. It drives me insane, and I say that as someone who works in mental health.”

Steve nodded. “Fair enough. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop lapping you.”

Sam raised his eyebrows at the retort, but quickly burst into laughter. “That’s the spirit,” he said warmly. “Now come on, old man, we’ve got work to do.”


End file.
